Don’t blow up your relationship!
It’s Valentines, so this week we are giving you relationship survival tips.
Relationships are all about communication. And that’s not always easy. Unintentional misunderstandings happen all the time.
Here are 10 communication land mines you need to avoid if you’re going to have a successful relationship.
If you detonate any of them, you will spend weeks climbing out of the crater.
So click on the video and safeguard your relationship.
To live a transformed life you need to know how to read your spouse’s mind.
Share the transformed life! Send this to couples you know.
Now I want to hear from you
What are your secrets to a great relationship? Just leave your comments below.
Dysfunctional relationships are often very controlling.
Learn how to recognize and disentangle yourself from controlling relationships with this DVD. Stop feeling manipulated and step into freedom. Click here for more information.
Would you like to meet with me personally to discuss areas in your life where you feel stuck?
I am now able to take a very limited number of online or phone appointments. If you want help living a transformed life, just click here for more information.
Iâll talk to you next week,
Grant
Comments 27
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I did enjoy this valentine clip. We have a young couple at our church, he is 97 and his wife may be a bit younger…with a twinkle in his eye, he told me when they have a strong disagreement he always gets the last word, “Yes Dear.” They have super relationship, I have come to the conclusion it is their sense of humour that glues that marriage together!
A sense of humour is definitly something that me and my fiancee use frequently when we are upset about something. As a woman I can get moody and things that never bothered me at a different point in time might all of a sudden upset me to the point of laser beams shooting out of my eyes, and he will sit there and listen until I’ve talked enough and analyzed my reactions enough that I’m starting to sound rational again, and then he cuddles me and mumbles something about being crazy, which i’m assuming is part of “being crazy in love with you”. Needless to say his teasing gets me to laugh and makes me grateful that not only do I have a partner in life but a partner in play, he’s my soulmate and my playmate.
I really enjoy your sense of humour,and lessons we need to learn, I know there are times to back off but I sometimes do not get Chris’s attention when I need his ideas as well, I have had to try and learn and still learning when I should not say too much. Getting lost , well I am not very good with road maps and now have a Sat Navigation which helps a lot.
Thank you Grant and Kathy for your tips, Chris and I have been married for 40 years and still learning.
Gayle
Humour in marriage? I’ll have to check with Kathy before I make any public statement.
I love it! Always room to learn!! We have been married over 30 years, but I still feel that I don’t have a clue! So, thanks!
I always enjoy your video messages.This one is especialy great and funny even though I am a widow. God Bless You. Phyllis.
Tip 11.
When he leaves his dirty, smelly socks on the bedroom floor – dont nag. Just pick them up – and throw them in the rubbish bin.
When you come home from work and the kitchen is full of dirty plates and coffee cups – dont have a hissy fit. Calmly pack them up – and put them in his gym bag.
Ouch!
Bronwyn you have a very innovative love language.
Your marriage manual will be called “Husband Tamer.”
Hi Grant and Kathy,
I loved your land mines! They are so true. I’m curious to know if you do anything special for Valentines. Do you feel it is up to the husband to think of something? Or is it something you plan together? Is this day important for you or is the whole Valentines thing just cheasy for you guys. I feel it’s Valentines day every day for me even though I rarely give her flowers. We have been married for 22 years now and I’m still super excited and greatful to God about our marriage. I try to show it to her in different ways every day.
Ray
Yes Ray, we consider it a special occasion so we exchange cards and go out for a fancy dinner. I give her flowers too periodically for no reason. She’s special and needs to be treated that way.
The ways in which I can love my husband include.
Lots of praise.
Expression of appreciation for the times he goes out of his way to do something for me.
I only give him one task at a time and show my appreciation.
Do not nag!!
Encourage him to enjoy his night out or week away with the guys.
Do not get into a rut of routine. Keep your times together fresh with new things to do.
Forgiving quickly … ie not holding a grudge or try to get him back.
Be flexible.
Take time to consider his ideas before saying no .. discuss the positive and
possible pit falls and come to a mutual agreement…. it is much better for
keeping the peace and appreciating each others opinions.
Thank you Dr Grant// the sound finally worked …..on listenting to this I can now see that perhaps God spared me from such relationships….It’s so frustrating always having to read in between the lines and subtexts although I am sure once mature ..one can be straight forward and avoid innuendos…I suppose we are all still chidren,,…playing games with each other or have we been conditioned to act this way. Surely our DNA does not wire us to calculating.
Is that what the Bible teaches??/ How would Jesus respond?
Have a great celebration.
Denise
I loved these landmines. I think we’ve detonated all 10 of them….which could explain why our marriage has failed!!! I admit I didn’t know how to communicate and thought it was always best to tell the truth, even if it hurt. I realize that that’s not always the case….
I find 3 other things very helpful in our relationship… the first is to take the time to pray BEFORE hitting Gerry with “we need to talk”. Often I find that either God has something to deal with me about (which may head off the problem) or He will deal with Gerry about it as well which either solves the entire problem or significantly softens the grounds before we sit down to discuss it. The second is that we schedule a “Saturday morning coffee date” which is our time to discuss anything that we need to address. (With 5 young children in the house getting out on dates regularly is pricey but after a big Saturday morning breakfast the kids head off to play and we linger at the table together. The kids all know that’s “our time” and although there are still interruptions especially from the younger ones, they’re pretty good about respecting that time slot.) And third is the to remember that neither of us are perfect… but we are perfect for each other (and often used by God to help each other grow in character – hopefully in the right direction… LOL!)
These are great suggestions!
We need to hear from the guys though. Turn off the TV and let us know how you keep your relationship great. Unless of course, you’re watching The Notebook with her, finish that first.
This year will be 25 for us. The only one we have tried to stick by is: ‘don’t make a decision that amounts to anything when you’re angry’. For example, a walk around the block is a decision with no reprocussions.
Just watched your “valentine tips” and had several laugh out loud moments. Thank you. So true……..oh so true. Thanks for all of your weekly “blurbs” which I enjoy watching and I always learn and laugh too.I love your humor.. Blessings to you and Kathy. and I look forward to seeing you both in Branson, Missouri. Yeah!!! Glad your’re coming.
My dearest friends: Dr.Mullen and his loving wife, warmest greetings. I take it as an honour to be in contact with your relationship with my wife and I. I want to tell all that are married, thinking of marrige and those who are single that it is the greatest thing is to have someone there to listen that will help while you can have a person you can have for your very own and grow and learn from one another in your life.
You guys look amazing together. So funny! Ok, well whilst I am single I will keep these 10 things in mind. I shall test them up at the first opportunity.
Bless you.
i loved it and its so true.
I have enjoyed your other videos and don’t want to discourage you. I will keep praying for you both, but I get the feeling through what was said and unsaid, that for a relationship to work the wife must be right. She must be respected even when she is disrespecting her husband, and she can belittle him (even if it’s only in her thoughts) and put him down as a normal way of interacting. A man needs to be respected in his home.
I don’t find anything funny about this. I find it quite disturbing, considering that men are routinely put down, mocked and made to feel like they should be less masculine if at all possible.
If it wasn’t one sided then I would appreciate it for what it is, just humour, but it seems that only men need to know how to laugh at themselves, and that everyone would be shocked if anyone expected a woman to do the same. Is it political correctness for couples? Am I the only one seeing this?
We pretend that it’s funny but the trend is obvious and will have very negative effects on future generations unless we change our course. I know who my mother and my grandmothers were, and they had great marriages without playing dangerous games. They looked up to their husbands, and so I recognize this trend for what it is, sad, very sad.
That’s a good point Alcide and thanks for your comment. We of course did it for fun but there’s no doubt that men are often portrayed negatively in the media.
Always make sure you get in the last word … and make sure those words are “Yes dear.”
I’ve really enjoyed your DVD’s on relationships and issues, but in this case I also feel like you’ve (unintentionally) reinforced the common portrayal of couples in movies & the media: That men aren’t good at keeping their words, and that wives / women are the always the smart ones who need to put up with their man as though he’s a small toddler, as in “just let the little boy have his game and try not to hurt the little lad too much” type thing..
It would’ve been great if you had told us how these issues show us that relationships need worship of our triune God and submission in love from Ephesians 5:18-6:9, which begins with a command (imperative verb) “be filled with the Spirit!”and then explains what that means with 5 participles which depend on that verb (“be filled!”). According to Ephesians to be filled with the spirit means:
– Addressing one another in psalms, hymns & spiritual songs
– Singing &
– Making melody to the Lord with our hearts
– Giving thanks to God the Father for everything always
– Submitting to one another in love
(the rest of the passage explains what that means in terms of family relationships: husbands, wives & God; children, parents & God; household slaves, masters & God).
Submission enables us to respect each other as people made in God’s image, and seek to help restore them to the men & women God wants us to be.
Through God’s Word and prayer, wives can help us husbands to keep our word. Through God’s Word and prayer, husbands can help wives to not be manipulative, or belittling
And both can help each other to worship God, to be bursting full of praise to God: which is the only true way of creating whole and healthy relationships and families 🙂
praying for you 🙂
In Christ,
– Philip
What on earth is this? I can’t tell if it’s a joke, you say you did it for ‘fun’ but you’re not laughing and you’re reinforcing such negative cliches.
These are ways that couples try and avoid actually talking to each other and shouldn’t be landmines to avoid. They are stemming from somewhere deeper and should be addressed in with others counsel about their inability to communicate openly and directly…
Author
Yes Jeremy, it was a joke.