Is it your spouse or your baggage?

Dr. Grant MullenChurches and Leadership, I am significant, Live fearlessly, Moods, Relationships, Uncategorized 16 Comments

There’s something wrong with him/her!

How come they just can’t see it my way?

This week we’re talking about marriage.

Do you get frustrated with your spouse when they don’t live up to your expectations?

Are they meeting your needs the way they should?

In this week’s video you’ll learn what happened to Kathy and me when we had a marriage crisis.

And how we got out of it.

Just click on the video and I’ll give you a powerful key to prevent your own crisis.

Now I want to hear from you

What steps have you taken to strengthen your marriage and unload baggage? Just leave your comments in the box below.

love birdsKathy and I will soon be starting Marriage Unlimited weekend seminars and an annual one week Marriage Unlimited Experience in the Dominican Republic

If you’d like to join us, click here for more information

Do you or a friend need a healing miracle?

Click here to join me in a video prayer that will release the power of God into your body and mind.

Would you like to meet with me personally to discuss areas in your life or marriage where you feel stuck?

I am now able to take a very limited number of online or phone appointments. If you want help living a transformed life, just click here for more information.

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I’ll talk to you next week,


PS: Would you like to become a prayer partner with our ministry and get regular updates? Click here to join our prayer team.

Comments 16

  1. Another great nugget…. thanks for your continued words of wisdom.

    Marriage is so incredibly complex and I hope you’ll continue to share your perspective on how to share a journey that leads to happiness. It’s what we all want but few actually achieve.

    Can’t wait to watch your next helpful and thoughtful episode.

    thx for what you do… dave

  2. Fortunately, our church, North Park Community Church in London, Ontario, had the foresight to start a Celebrate Recovery Ministry over six years ago. Celebrate Recovery is a self-directed, 12 step, Christ centred recovery program based on the Beatitudes. The ministry was developed by Pastor Rick Warren, (The Purpose Driven Life), from Saddleback Church in California. As a result, I have been working through my own hurts, habits and hang ups and, as Dr Mullen said in his video, I was able to let go of a lot of my own personal baggage and guess what? My 27+ year marriage to Steve improved too! Like the Serenity Prayer advises: God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (my husband and others), change the things I can (myself) and the wisdom to know the difference (my personal relationship with Jesus is teaching me that wisdom, one day at a time)…

  3. I thought the title read “is your spouse your baggage” and I just had to jump on yhis one. Was I surprised.
    The best advice I was ever given was to get counselling before marrage, and we did. Where others talked about there first 2 to 6 years of marrage being horrable we were perplexed that we had a relitively good time. (wonder why) Although we still are working through issues even after 9 years, we are still gaining freedom and joy in our marrage when one of us unselfishly deals with more baggage in our lives.
    Thanks Grant and Kathy

  4. Thanks Dave. You’re the one who taught me how to make videos! Glad you like them.
    Carolynn, Celebrate Recovery is a great program! Glad it was so helpful. I have relatives at North Park so I know what a great place it is.
    Second Dave. Yes counselling before marriage is one of the best investments a person can make. So few are motivated at that stage though.

  5. So true, Grant. I was surprised when my daughter went for pre-marriage counselling and I thought, “What can she possibly need counselling for?” Then I laughed to myself and thought, “probably me.”

    I also think that no one person can possibly meet all of our needs, but the Lord can fill all those voids so beautifully.

    Blessings, Gen

  6. You’re right Gen, it’s probably you. There are no perfect parents.
    We’ve already apologized in advance to our kids for how we may have filled their baggage and we’ve budgeted for their before marriage counselling.
    I found it awkward the first time my adult daughter sat in on my seminar where I taught how and why to forgive our parents. She laughed about it after and forgave us.

  7. So true, wise Doctor and Christian gentleman, I had lots and lots of baggage. I expected it to all go away when I got married to my prince in shining armour, but, all my past baggage, hurts, anger, resentments, and low self esteem, etc, was still there. I would lashed out at my husband with jealousy, and fits anger that would turn into temporary hatred, and my poor children would also see my uglyness.

    I saw things more clearly as I sought out the best Counselor in the word, it wasn’t easy, but the LORD allowed me to see myself (I had become my baggage) that I held on to and He showed me how to let go of it and be free…. So I’m free of the guilt, of the fear and of the paranoia I felt. It was like a heavy mountain melting right off my shoulders, I felt lighter and could stand straight and think clearly. That ugly demon I had become disapeared,

    My husband and I are pretty much alone now, but we laugh a lot more without stresses. We don’t take anything personal and serious anymore. I’m grateful to God that we didn’t separate, or divorced, which, we came close to doing in our younger days. There is more patience for one another, we respect one another, we can talk with out getting upset or walking out, we don’t make a big issues of little things nor big things anymore.

    I think before marriage, couples should seek counseling to recognize that not all issues are resolved by getting married, it takes a mighty and higher power to live and experience true joy in a relationship!
    To God be all the Glory!

  8. Why isn’t Kathy in the video with you? I would have loved to have heard her point of view too. Anyway, great words of wisdom and very helpful. I was also listening to Dr. Lou Godzich on It”s Your Day and he and his wife have a wonderful Ministry and have restored so many marriages in crisis.

    His site is here:

    Wish I had gone for counselling because I sure needed it but God was there for me and I prayed alot and my prayers were being answered day after day. It’s been 30+ years and we are still together and my husband is still carrying baggage but I refuse to have him dump it on me. I wish we had these kinds of videos and conferences to go to when I was struggling back then.

    Thank Dr. Mullen for giving us good sound advice and as always much appreciated.

    God bless you both.

  9. Hey this really helped me this morning. Having a very rocky time at the moment but I realise its our separate problems that are the problem. Thanks and God bless you both and keep you under His wings

  10. Grant and Kathy
    Surely the joy of the Lord is your strength.. Thank you for sharing your lives and poking fun at our common relational pitfalls. Thank you for your humility and candor, as well as the chewy nuggets of truth, which like crumbs to follow, can lead us into transformation. Please continue to go bravely and comicly into the realms of the relationally absurd to help shed Christ’s light on the path ahead. May Abba Father encourage you both in the adventure you are on together. Thank you for living to help all God’s children live free and whole. David

  11. Thank you Dr. Mullen for another great message. I appreciate your honesty and sharing your experience. It helps to know that you are not alone.

  12. Thank you Grant for the honest message, right now I am trying to examine myself, and having to find where I am going wrong, as my daughter and sister where saying today, that sometimes I do not explain things very well, I have to stop and think of what I say more than ever, to see where I make my mistakes. Your honesty in this helps us all to think again.

    God Bless Gayle

  13. The biggest overall way my husband and I have dealt with our baggage and remained together for 30 years, has been being willing to ask for help. God provided help through many wise and caring people, even through many Christian authors and speakers on marriage. Probably the most life-transforming opportunity He’s given us that has gradually been freeing us of baggage, has been the ministry of Wholeness Through Christ. We have attended courses, retreats and received prayer ministry which has had a very powerful effect on our personal stories and thus our marriage. We both are seeing counsellors right now (mostly due to grief), and both are very familiar with WTC principles, the heart of which would be, as Grant says, being willing to look at your own stuff / baggage, and walk through repentance, forgiveness, giving it to God.

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