Was your family functional or dysfunctional?
Yes we all come from some kind of family. There are so many different kinds, each with its strengths and weaknesses.
Some family characteristics endear them to us, others make us want to move to a different country… or planet.
There is no denying that there is a permanent connection between us and our families. What you may not realize though, is that there is also a direct connection between the atmosphere you were raised in and your current adult attitudes and relationships. For many of you, that’s “an inconvenient truth.”
I know it’s a generalization but the easiest way to categorize families is to divide them into Functional or Dysfunctional groups.
In this week’s video you will learn the characteristics and rules of each kind of family.
What were you taught?
You will see how these rules become our family tradition so each generation is either blessed or damaged the same way.
What you were taught then, is still affecting you today. That can be good or very bad. If you came from a dysfunctional family, don’t feel bad. The Bible is full of them.
The good news is that your past doesn’t have to determine your future. God is waiting to make the necessary repairs to your life if you’ll let him.
Just click on the video and find out how.
To live a transformed life you need to recognize what kind of family you come from.
Share the transformed life. Send this to your friends so they can figure out their families too.
What do you think?
How has your childhood family environment affected your relationships today (good or bad)? Just leave your comments in the box below.
Click here and find out how
Iâll talk to you next week,
Grant
PS:Â Do you need a coach?
Are you feeling stuck mentally or emotionally and need some advice or encouragement?
I am now able to take a very limited number of online or phone personal coaching appointments. If you want help living a transformed life, just click here for more information.
Comments 14
Excellent – enjoying your videos and passing them on to friends and family. Keep up the good work. God bless you!
HI GRANT.. I ENJOYED LISTENING TO THIS MESSAGE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SEEING A CHRISTIAN COUNSELOR TO HELP ME UNRAVEL THE LIES I BELIEVED AS A CHILD GROWING UP IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL HOME.I GOT TIRED OF TRYING TO PRETEND EVERYTHING WAS OK AND HAVING TO SWEEP EVERYTHING UNDER THE RUG FOR APPEARANCE’S SAKE.I DONT HAVE ANY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS TODAY; I’M STILL WORKING ON THIS AREA WITH MY COUNSELOR AND PRAYING THAT WITH THE HELP OF THE LORD, I WILL BE ABLE TO OVERCOME..GOD BLESS..
Dr. Mullen, all members in my existing family come from a very dysfunctional family, we are seeking counseling. I need prayer because at this stage I feel like Moses, need a spiritual Aaron and Herb to lift up my hands in prayer, I feel tired and exhusted with the attitudes, silent treatment, and lies. Thank you so much for your ministry.
Thanks for your comments. Great examples of how our families affect our adult lives. We need to get the message out that there is hope and healing available. Feel free to share the video.
I am new to your site and have been enjoying it. You have piles of information for many kinds of problems. I am waiting to here from your customer service about how we go about booking you at our church for a seminar day. I came from a wonderful family and have 3 sisters. Mind you there were times of difficulty (I remember my teen years were a roller coster) but mostly I remember the good times. Our parents loved us dearly and they went our of their way to see that all our needs were met. My parents are deceased now and I dearly miss them. If my children and grandchildren think as much of me as all did of them, I will have more than achieved my goal as a parent.
You described my very own childhood and my present family (parents/ sibblings)- so dysfunctional – the thing is I did not see it as so because it was normal life!
My eyes were only opened to see how distructive it was when I started to go to a counselor for just one issue (or I thought).
Lies about myself – never good enough – I could never reach the standard required by my parents – I tried harder each time hoping for acceptance and approval… but it never came… this brought shame, low self esteem, failure as I was told (I got 99% in an exam 1 % off for no bullet point after my name ) and My father told me I had failed. …. unrealistic expectation… Appearances were everything and there were many secrets. I was locked into dancing a tune I did not want to dance….to break out of this mould was very difficult because it went against everything I was thought, everything I thoughT was right, the way I viewed
mysellf and loyality to the inner circle of family. Performance was ultimate and
emotions/feelings were to be stopped quickly and the phrase “just pull yourself togeher and get on with it” comes to mind . Little my little I broke free .. Changing what I had been told for the TRUTH. God’s view of me. I dared to dance a different dance. I voiced my own opinion…. I dared to say no! or not right now, or maybe later.. or I have to check my schedule … All hell broke loose and every method of control was tried to keep me within the family norm .. I had to fight with myself to keep from feeling guilty… would a good christian upset their family so much and other such negative thoughts but I realised that to save my self and my own children from more heart ache I had to take those hard steps and seperate myself .. in order to grow strong . I choose the truth the harder path at first but the road has brought so much change in me, my husband, my two children and the change has been so obvious to outsiders that I attract people to the Lord by just being me.. I have a new skip in my step ….. a great joy and peace that I never had before.
FEAR is the greatest thing that holds us back. For me it feels like I am at the foot of a cliff and God’s is asking me to jump… but I have learned that he always catches me and it was never as baD as I anticipated. MY LIFE IS AN EXAMPLE OF HOPE… THERE IS HOPE……. COME JUST AS YOU ARE BEFORE YOUR GOD.. LORD YOU ARE THE VOICE OF HOPE THE ANCHOR OF MY SOUL WHERE THERE SEEMS TO BE NO WAY , YOU MAKE IT POSSIBLE. YOU ARE THE PRINCE OF PEACE AMIDST ADVERSITY… YOU WERE THE ONE BEFORE TIME BEGAN. THERE IS NOTHING BEYOND YOUR CONTROL. MY CONFIDENCE MY ASSURANCE REST IN YOUR UNCHANGING WORD.
When the things that have crippled us from our childhood arise, we must remember that if we are born again, that crippled man is dead. We must tell the enemy that we have faced all of those issues and forgiven where necessary and now we are thinking with a renewed mind.
Dr Mullen, I have issues from my family and in my present family. I have been praying about these isseus and asking God to change the lies to His truth. I do my best to live according to who I am in Christ. I have always enjoyed your ministry andtapes and seeing you on Huntley Street and other programes.I am a widow and have been for some years now but God has helped me through many problems through others like yourself.I do pray about getting your tapes books etc.as GOd supplies. Thank you for being there to help me and so many others, and letting God work through you. God Bless You.
These are great comments, thanks to all of you. It really shows how when we apply God’s truth, it’s life changing.
I came from a dysfunctional home. My father wanted to abort me and my mother, who did not share in my fathers desire, was very concerned about the impact my life would have on their marriage and financial situation. A doctor realized she did not want to have the abortion and confronted her about it. So, sshe did not go through with it. My father was emotionally withdrawn and selfish, and my mom did not feel she could go to him to ask for money for milk. He drank and they had very loud fights at night as I lay in my bed. My mom left me with my father when i was 8 yrs old. Though he tried to care for me the best way he knew how, he was still emotionally withdrawn and continued to drink after I went to bed and I would lay in bed at night and listen to him mumble to himself angrily at night and stumble throught he house. No one ever talked to me about my mom having left and I felt very much alone and sad. There would be many nights I would lay in bed at night and cry myself to sleep. My dad did turn to the LORD, though he still stuggled with drinking and never was set free, but he did take me to Sunday School and church and made sure I had that spiritual influence.
I lived with my mom and her boyfriend during high school and drank heavily on weekends and smoked pot with my boyfriend and his friends whom I was very dependant on. My mom and I didn’t have much of a relationship in high school.
I returned to the LORD after I graduated high school, went off to bible college and later got my nursing diploma. I’m now married 10 yrs. with 3 children 9, 6 and 3 1/2 yrs old. Though I am a christian, I still feel very much alone. I am unable to share and open up to my husband and am unable to really connect with anyone, even my own family. I deal with huge rejection issues which I realized about 6 or 7 years ago and have not been able to overcome them. I have alot of fears and anxieties, and deal with varying degrees of depression off and on. I am still trying to feel secure in my relationship with Christ and believe the love of the Father for even me. I know it in my head but have a hard time convicing my heart.
Hi TandaLynn. Thanks for your very honest comment. You are a good example of how family baggage affects us as adults. It sounds like you need to see a doctor for the depression/anxiety and a counsellor for the baggage. There’s lots of information on the web site that could help.
On this page you will find videos and links to help with your mood http://bit.ly/d2Ztma.
On this page are links for baggage http://bit.ly/cs7jkR
Here is a talk I gave specifically on rejection https://drgrantmullen.com/resources/overcoming-rejection
I hope this helps.
Hi Grant,
Thanku 4 being such a blessing!
U just described my family! lol
Praise God He has given me the opportunity 2 work through my childhood. Now i can honestly say that God is my Daddy & i believe wot He says about me because i knw He loves me! I love Him 2!
The more i invite Him 2 come fill me, the more He cleans me out 2 make more room 4 Him & i experience even more freedom! Now i can share that with others! Given u all the glory God! Thanx 4 being my Daddy!
Thanks Trish. You are living proof that with God’s help we can undo the damage of our upbringing.
Thank you so much for this segment,. I have not met many from functional families and so I think we can all relate to each other’s wounds. That in itself does not keep us alone on this journey of regeneration. healing and restoration.
You are correct Dr Mullen..patterns are repeated and when we ask Our Lord to help us break these patterns because they are so wounding to ourselves and others, the Lord steps in and takes His paint brush and retouches us, restores us and breathes new life into us if we want. It really helps to seek those who can help us along the way. Blessings to you and to those who share their story of sadness hope and new life in Christ.
Denise